Friendship and Family from Afar

Saturday, July 14^th

What is friendship? What action or moment in time transitions strangers to acquaintances to friends? Is it a sharing a meal together? Are you friends because of friends of friends? Is it kicking a soccer ball around together with kids at St. Jude’s? Is it dancing together? Sharing conversation and drinks at a bar together? Sharing pasts? Sharing ideas, sharing dreams? Sharing teaching experiences, sharing opinions, fears, disappointments, accomplishments??? Is it clicking the blue “Friend” button on Facebook? Is it being able to comfortably exude bodily gasses in front of each other? Does it require a give and take? Do you expect something in return? Is it between only two mutual persons? I cannot answer these questions for you, but I think it could be any combination of these things. Just like with a lovvvah though (Sex and the City anyone, anyone?), I believe it takes time to grow in a friendship, through shared experiences. I believe many of the things we, and youth especially, have begun to believe is the foundation of friendship is not truly friendship (see 'clicking a blue button' above). It has become so easy to ‘friend’ someone and be comfortable with that surface level ‘friendship’, valuing quantity over quality relationships. A relationship, with friends, family, or lovvvahs, goes deeper.

Last night, I had a shared experience, with a new friend, which meant the world to me. In a new place with new people and new experiences, it’s very easy to get into “self reflection” mode and analyze life and situations in the new reality you’ve chosen or created. I create a new reality often as I travel and drink in life (metaphorically, people). I love this life and believe I learn so much and grow so much from each experience, but life and reality at “home” doesn’t stop. The shared experiences of loved ones can’t be paused for me to resume playback at my convenience. While sometimes this works to my advantage (100+ degree heat – doubt it!) and other times I miss out on something I know I’d enjoy (here’s looking you, Summerfest).

The hardest emotion to deal with is in the times when I know family or friends are struggling and all I want to do is hug, squeeze, kiss, and console them. If only I could be there to help. If only I could offer some insight or eloquent words. If only my presence could stop the pain. If only. If only. I feel helpless in the moments of hurt. I have more questions than answers.

Lucky for me, even 7,685 miles away, in my helplessness, I have friends. I have a friend that could sense that emotion and sense my desire to hug, console, comfort others and intuitively bore that burden for me. I have a friend that could listen attentively, offer advice appropriately, was willing to share his past experiences with a similar pain and share an ice cold Nile beer as the stars shone and I released my emotions.

We teachers are a special breed. We are teachers by profession but psychiatrists by nature. We care and are passionate about many things, but especially about people. We know how to have a great time, be lifelong learners, reflective practitioners, brothers, sisters, family, and friends. I could not be more grateful to have become friends with so many people on this program, but as of last night, especially with one caring, 

Sir John Magee.

The first night I met John, moving from acquaintances to friends... little did I know what an amazing man he truly is.